Story in Georgetown student newspaper about Students of AMF

September 15, 2006

For Fajgenbaum, Caring is Name of the Game

By Caitlin McDevitt
Hoya Staff Writer
Friday, September 15, 2006
Lindsay Anderson/The Hoya

It is getting to be about that time for many freshmen — the excitement of NSO and the first week of classes has faded. The novelty of dorm-life and cafeteria food has quickly waned. The dirty laundry basket is filled to capacity, and the realization hits — “I kind of miss my mom.” For many new students, the most difficult part of the college transition is separation from our parents.

Three years ago, senior backup quarterback Dave Fajgenbaum experienced this separation at a much more permanent level. Anne Marie Fajgenbaum, his mother, was diagnosed with brain cancer two weeks before her son’s freshmen year. While most of his classmates adjusted to the regularity of campus life, Dave went home every weekend to Raleigh, N.C. to spend time with his ailing mother.

In addition to dealing with the challenges of a new school, a rigorous pre-med curriculum and a strict football schedule, Fajgenbaum had to cope with something he never foresaw as part of being a part of his young life — the loss a parent. While on campus during the week, he found much of the support he needed through his football teammates.

“There are so many parallels between a family and a football team. I had 100 guys I knew were behind me,” Fajgenbaum says.

While very appreciative of his compassionate teammates, he realized that not all grieving college students have such a strong support system. After seeking out assistance for in other ways, Fajgenbaum realized that the University provided few resources to help bereaved students cope with the loss of family members.

Fortunately, Dave was able to discuss this issue with his mother before she passed away. During their conversation, he happened to glance down at the “LiveStrong” bracelet that he had marked with his mom’s initials: “AMF.” It was at this instant, he says, that he thought of the phrase “Ailing Mothers and Fathers.” The idea would translate into a lifetime goal.

He promised his mother that he would do his absolute best to find ways to help students experiencing the pain of losing a parent while at college.

After Anne Marie’s death in 2004, Dave returned to campus burdened by grief, but empowered by his desire to fulfill the promise he made to his mom. He started “Students of AMF” as a casual peer support group for grieving students that met every other week. Fajgenbaum described the group’s attitude as, “We’ve lost out loved ones, let’s try to fight back.”

Eventually, other students learned of the campus organization and wanted to become involved.

As a result, AMF was opened to non-bereaved students. Currently, over 400 students participate in the various projects and events. In 2005, the “Boot Camp to Beat Cancer” raised over $20,000 in addition to promoting awareness for cancer prevention and research.

Since its inception, AMF has grown to include a faculty mentoring program as well as a support network for children in the community. Chapters of AMF are in development at 19 other universities, including the University of North Carolina, Fajgenbaum said.

He has also formed the non-profit organization entitled “National Students of AMF” to facilitate the spread of chapters, sponsor leadership scholarships, award research grants and conferences for public awareness.

Both Head Football Coach Kevin Kelly and the rest of the team actively participate in Students of AMF. Fajgenbaum proudly admits that, at any of their sponsored events, nearly half of his teammates help out, a fact that speaks to the camaraderie of the team, as well as Fajgenbaum’s capacity as a leader.

“Whatever he does, he does with fanatical effort,” Kelly says. “I hope my two sons are just like him.”

Fajgenbaum is making the most of his time left on the Hilltop. He spent his summer in D.C. working as the 2006 Lisa J. Raines Summer Scholar with a $5,000 research grant. “I studied university responses to college student bereavement,” he said. Through surveys and interviews at over 40 colleges nationwide, Fajgenbaum found that the issue of college student bereavement has been “vastly underestimated” and unaddressed.

Wednesday, he was named to the NCAA’s 22-man AFCA Good Works Team, an honor bestowed upon athletes with outstanding dedication and commitment to community service.

Fajgenbaum plans to graduate in May from the School of Nursing and Health Studies and eventually pursue a Ph.D. in public health. His central focus of study is, not surprisingly, cancer prevention. “It is how I envision the rest of my life,” he says.

Now three years after Anne Marie’s passing, Dave once again plans to make the drive home. This time, though, he does not travel with a heavy heart or sadness. This time, Fajgenbaum celebrates life, rather than death.

Just days ago, Dave became the proud uncle of his new born niece, Anne Marie, named in honor of Fajgenbaum’s mother, a tribute he does not take lightly.

“Loss is so difficult,” he says. “But when you see life come in, it just makes you so, so happy.”

http://www.thehoya.com/sports/091506/sports4.cfm