Students of AMF

By Susan Occhipinti

SGA Reporter

Graduate assistants at the University Counseling Services are bringing an organization to Oklahoma State to give support to college students who are grieving the loss or illness of a loved one.

Through his position as the grief and loss graduate assistant at the University Counseling Services, Andrew Dunkle has decided to bring students of AMF to OSU.

“Basically, Students of AMF is a national organization that has been formed to support college students grieving the illness or death of a loved one, and it is made up of a service component as well as a peer support group,” Dunkle.

AMF began at Georgetown University when a student named David Fajgenbaum lost his mother to a brain tumor and felt the need for a support system, according to studentsofamf.org.  AMF originally stood for Ailing Mothers and Fathers, but to be more inclusive, the name was changed to the National Students of AMF.  The letters continue to be a tribute to Fajgenbaum’s mother, Anne Marie Fajgenbaum, according to the website.

“For students  who don’t feel comfortable talking to a stranger or someone that they don’t know [Students of AMF] would be great,” freshman Jessalyn McAlister said.

When this organization becomes official, it will become one of about 70 chapters of Students of AMF nationwide. Being a completely student-run organization, each meeting is different. The national support network distributes an optional outline to use as a guide, but it is completely up to the students to decide how to run the meetings.

“It really opens people up,” Dunkle said.

Students of AMF does not necessarily take the place of formal counseling. Rather, it is a different way for students to deal with these problems using the help of students who are facing similar challenges, Dunkle said.

Dunkle said many times a lot of people facing these challenges feel isolated. Students of AMF was created so students who are also overcoming challenges can support each other, whether that be in addition to or in place of counseling.

One of the many ways Students of AMF assists in dealing with grief is by sharing positive memories of loved ones, acknowledging the loss, and sharing those things with peers Dunkle said.

For those interested in becoming a part of Students of AMF, whether it be as a volunteer to raise awareness and support or to use its services, visit the Facebook page “Students of AMF at Oklahoma State” where there is a link to the national website as well as information about an upcoming start-up meeting for OSU’s chapter.  The date for the meeting has not been decided but is likely to soon.

May 22, 2012:
The National Students of AMF Support Network is pleased to announce a search for a passionate, self-motivated leader to serve as the full-time Executive Director. He or she will be responsible for programming, fundraising and day-to-day management of the organization from its headquarters in Raleigh, NC. Incorporated in 2006, the organization’s mission is to provide support to college students grieving the illness or death of a loved one. The organization helps students start Campus Chapters, provides information and grief support through www.studentsofamf.org, and raises awareness about college student grief through programs and events nationwide. Experience in nonprofit leadership, fundraising, and volunteer management is essential for success in this role. This is a unique opportunity to grow this position and create a legacy within this vibrant, young organization. A competitive salary will be offered with the opportunity for significant performance bonuses.

The application process will be open from May 2 through May 28, 2012. For the complete application, go to: www.studentsofamf.org/edsearch

Please email info@studentsofamf.org with any questions that you may have about the position.

I grew up in the suburbs of New York City, in a place where families didn’t lock their doors or worry about many of the issues that plague the majority of the world. A month before my freshman year of high school began however, the protective sheath around my family was suddenly broken. While away at summer camp, my 27-year-old brother Tom took his life. As I tried to make sense of what had happened, previously unfamiliar words like “suicide” and “schizophrenia” became central words in my vocabulary. I had an immense amount of questions and hardly any answers. What was this “schizophrenia” and why did my brother have it? Could I catch it somehow? Why did he selfishly take his own life and leave us behind to miss him?

The most confusing aspect of his death however, was the multitude of emotions that I felt; I expected myself to be sad of course, yet I was not prepared for the anger, the guilt and the shame that accompanied the grief. Since not many peers in my town had experienced the death of a significant family member (let alone one that was sudden and traumatic), I felt as though everyone was talking about me and family. I imagined they were whispering, “Aren’t those the girls whose brother committed suicide?” as my sister and I walked down the halls. I felt trapped between wanting to crawl into a hole and hide from the world, and wanting to connect with my friends and feel supported by them.

Four years following this—at the end of senior year of high school—I was hit by another big blow. Almost two years after his initial diagnosis, my dad died at age 63 from mesothelioma, a rare and fatal cancer of the lung lining. I thought things like, Why me? This isn’t fair! I don’t want to feel this way anymore! Will this sadness ever end? Instead of enjoying the events typically celebrated at the end of high school (prom, graduation, etc.), I found myself just trying to survive them by putting on a brave face. I didn’t want anyone else to know how much I was hurting. As a result, I did a lot of my grieving in private. I would cry myself to sleep for hours, inevitably having to turn the pillow over because it was drenched in tears.

Although not my first experience with loss, the death of my dad had a profound impact on my time at college. My world had collapsed and all I wished was for him to magically return somehow. My friends tried to be supportive and sympathetic, yet I felt myself withdrawing from them as well; they just “didn’t understand” what I was feeling. I felt distanced from my mom and sister who were still up in New York and that I was drifting farther and farther away from the life I had previously known.

A few months into my time at Georgetown, I heard about a new student group on campus: AMF. At that time, AMF stood for Ailing Mothers and Fathers, and was a student-run support group pioneered by sophomore Dave Fajgenbaum. He had recently lost his mom to brain cancer and felt that emotional support for grieving students was lacking. I nervously attended a group, not sure of how I would be able to relate to the other students. We talked about issues such as getting through the holidays, how to communicate needs to friends, and how to cope with our feelings.

Slowly, but surely, I learned to manage my grief and was able to talk more openly about my experiences with death. Knowing that others were going through the same thing (when I was feeling very alone in my loss experience) was such a relief. I felt that the group members understood where I was at implicitly; there was no need to explain or apologize for the feelings I was having. AMF was more than a group to me, it was a family. Even though the grief process was very often painful and scary, knowing that I had a network of grieving peers to turn made me feel that even “rock bottom” would be cushioned by the arms of my AMF family. This gave me hope and ultimately was one of the major factors in helping me heal my broken heart.

If you or someone you know is struggling with how to cope with grief as a college student, I urge you to attend just one AMF meeting (or work to establish a chapter on your campus). You will be amazed by how many others students are dealing with the same thing.

David, the co-Founder and Board Chair of National Students of AMF, pulls together research, experiences with grief, and findings from AMF to give a presentation for grieving college students about the experience of grief during college.

David also had the opportunity to share about his experience from his mother’s illness during his freshman year of college all the way through 8 years later, today.

(Central Michigan, ’14)

“After my best friend died and my mom was diagnosed with brain cancer, I felt like I was the only person coping with grief on my campus and I needed to connect with others who ‘got’ what I was going through. So, I decided to start a chapter of Students of AMF at Central Michigan. In order to do my part to fight back against cancer, the first project that we did was the “Give a Spit about Cancer” bone marrow drive. In addition to continuing our support group meetings that have been so amazing, we’re planning a Boot Camp 2 Beat Cancer in the Spring!”

UPenn’s and Central Michigan’s AMF chapters participated in a national campaign in November 2011 called “Give a Spit about Cancer” organized by Do Something.  UPenn Students of AMF registered 350+ people for the national bone marrow registry, which ranked #1 out of 1200+ college campuses that registered 15,000+ college students nationwide.

The 2012 National College Student Grief Awareness Week will take place nationwide April 23-27. The Awareness Week is organized in the following way: dozens of individuals around the country volunteer to be “Awareness Week Leaders” (we need YOU to serve as a leader!) and are sent instructions for raising awareness during the week. Each Awareness Week Leader will be responsible for doing the task of the day each day (i.e. emailing 5 friends about AMF, writing a handwritten letter to a friend who lost a loved one greater than 2 years ago, etc) and asking each of his or her friends to also do the task of the day. Please email info@studentsofamf.org if you’d like to be an “Awareness Week Leader” and be placed on the e-mail list for updates about the 2012 awareness week !

Why we raise awareness about college student grief: With one-third to one-half of all college students grieving the illness or death of a loved one, Dr. Robert Neimeyer has called college student bereavement a “silent epidemic” that can have profound negative effects academically, socially, and developmentally. It’s our vision that every college student feels supported in times of grief, so we created a whole week to make noise about this issue.

The goal of National College Student Awareness Week is to raise awareness about the prevalence and impact of coping with the illness or death of a loved one during college and to spread the word about National Students of AMF.

Whether you are grieving, know someone who is, or just want to help spread the word about grief in the college population, you can be part of National College Student Grief Awareness Week, which will take place in April 23-27, 2012.

More info at: http://www.facebook.com/events/403580736320340/

PRESS RELEASE

David Fajgenbaum and National Students of AMF Honored with Welcome Back Award: One man turns personal grief into a national network for others

February 27, 2012, Washington, D.C. — David Fajgenbaum will receive a Welcome Back Award for his achievements in the fight against mental illness at the 13th annual Welcome Back Awards ceremony in Washington, D.C. These annual awards help promote awareness of depression as a real, common and treatable illness.

Fajgenbaum knows firsthand of the solitary struggle that occurs after the loss of a family member while in college — his mother died from a brain tumor in his transitional college years. He took that grief, however, and created National Students of AMF, a network on 43 college campuses to help others that grieved the illness or death of a loved one. The name, AMF, is a dual acronym for his mom (Anne Marie Fajgenbaum) and Ailing Mothers and Fathers.

“I felt alone, helpless and guilty. I believed no one could possibly understand what I was going through or relate to my pain. I didn’t even share my feelings with my very closest friends,” says Fajgenbaum of his struggles while his mother was dying of terminal brain cancer. National Students of AMF now provides the support of peers and professionals to thousands of students across the country, letting them know that they are not alone.

“Grief can leave people feeling helpless and alone, especially college youth who are transitioning into adulthood. It can even lead to depression. Through founding National Students of AMF, David has made thousands of young adults feel less alone in times of intense pain and helped them cope with their loss. He has sent a strong message of hope, and we salute his achievements,” said Linda Rosenberg, president and CEO of the National Council for Community Behavioral Healthcare.

“After 13 years, the Welcome Back Awards continue to serve as inspiration to people suffering from mental illnesses, as well as to those who help them on the journey to recovery,” Robert Baker, M.D., global development leader for psychiatry and pain disorders at Lilly. “David’s courage has made a difference for countless college students struggling with grief. This award acknowledges all that he has done to improve the lives of others.”

Each year, an independent panel of national mental health leaders recognizes individuals for their outstanding achievements, and Lilly awards donations ranging between $10,000 and $15,000 to the not-for-profit organization of each winner’s choice.  Fajgenbaum and four other Welcome Back Award honorees will be recognized at a special awards ceremony at the University Club, 1135 16th St NW, Washington, D.C., on February 29 at 8:30 a.m.

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About the Welcome Back Awards
Lilly established the Welcome Back Awards in 1998 to fight the stigma associated with depression and to promote the understanding that depression is treatable. Over the past 13 years, Lilly has donated more than $375,000 to charity on behalf of 53 Welcome Back Award winners. The National Council for Community Behavioral Healthcare is pleased to partner with Lilly to recognize the 2011 honorees. Learn more about the honorees at www.TheNationalCouncil.org.

About the National Council for Community Behavioral Healthcare
The National Council for Community Behavioral Healthcare is a not-for-profit, 501(c)(3) association of 1,950 community healthcare organizations that provide treatment and rehabilitation for mental illnesses and addiction disorders to nearly 6 million adults, children and families in communities across the country.

About Eli Lilly and Company
Lilly, a leading innovation-driven corporation, is developing a growing portfolio of pharmaceutical products by applying the latest research from its own worldwide laboratories and from collaborations with eminent scientific organizations.  Headquartered in Indianapolis, Ind., Lilly provides answers — through medicines and information — for some of the world’s most urgent medical needs. Additional information about Lilly is available at www.lilly.com; Lilly’s clinical trial registry is available at www.lillytrials.com.

About National Students of AMF
National Students of AMF is a nonprofit organization that connects and empowers college students grieving the illness or death of a loved one to support one another. The organization accomplishes its mission by creating Students of AMF Campus Chapters on college campuses nationwide, raising awareness about the needs of grieving college students, including through the annual National College Student Grief Awareness Week, and hosting national grief support programs and events, such as the National Conference on College Student Grief. Additional information is available at www.studentsofamf.org

About David Fajgenbaum
David Fajgenbaum is a third year medical student at the University of Pennsylvania, where he is a Twenty-First Century Scholar and will study for an MBA at the Wharton School in 2012-2013. He is the co-Founder and Board Chair of the National Students of AMF Support Network, a nonprofit organization dedicated to supporting college students grieving the illness or death of a loved one. Prior to UPenn, David attended Georgetown University for undergrad and Oxford University for a master’s degree (M.Sc. by Research) in Public Health.

P-LLY

Contact: Mike Weaver at MikeW@thenationalcouncil.org or 202.684.7457, ext. 244; Sonja Popp-Stahly at spopp-stahly@lilly.com or 317.655.2993

February 19, 2012: National Students of AMF is currently searching for highly motivated community leaders to join our Board of Directors. The mission of National Students of AMF [www.studentsofamf.org] is to support college students grieving the illness or death of a loved one. In just six years, we have developed 43 official campus chapters across the country and are working with many more campuses to establish new chapters. Each chapter has a peer-grief support group and a service group that empowers students to take action. In the past two years, we have hired our first full-time executive director and opened up our first office. With our growth, we need strong leadership and community support more than ever.

We would like to expand and strengthen our board and are looking for volunteers with experience in PR/marketing, higher education, fundraising, finance, nonprofit governance, and/or nonprofit management. National Students of AMF is going through a period of tremendous growth and we need a strong board to offer support and ensure that we can continue to provide support to grieving college students across the country. Although financial contribution is expected [in accordance with the board member's ability], more important is a willingness to take an active role in developing the organization through the donation of time, skills, and energy.

Each Board member is expected to serve a 3-year term, attend 4 Board meetings/year, and attend our local Raleigh AMF events. We are seeking members who are connected to the mission, engaged, capable of financial and in-kind donations, and/or with community connections to serve on the Board. We would like to introduce a prospective Board member to our organization through work on one of our committees.

Email info@studentsofamf.org if you are interested in learning more about these awesome opportunities!

Tickets are selling fast for AMF’s 3rd annual Spring Soiree on Friday, April 27 at Flander’s Art Gallery in Raleigh, NC! Join us for a beautiful evening of food (courtesy of Mia Francesca), festivities, auction items, friends, and fellowship in memory of an incredible woman and in support of a life-changing organization. Each year student leaders from one of our chapters attend and share their inspiring stories. This year, Kelly Hudson will represent Central Michigan’s chapter. Click here or go to www.amfsoiree.org for tickets and more info!

Check out http://www.amfsoiree.org and/or http://www.facebook.com/AMFsoiree for more info!