http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ National Students of AMF FORUM en Thu, 09 Sep 2010 12:52:21 +0000 http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/my-dad-passed-away-last-saturday#post-200 Fri, 03 Sep 2010 02:28:12 +0000 shortysboardsskt 200@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ <p>My father, Jeff, passed away last Saturday on August 28th, 2010. This was a day before my start as a freshman in college-I graduated HS in June 2010 with my mom and dad by my side. I still feel like this is all a dream and I know that I haven't been able to process what has happened. I left Arizona for Alaska (where I am attending college) last Wednesday June 25th and hugged my whole family at the airport. It is so surreal to me that I will never see him again on this earth and I wish that I had been able to wish him goodbye-he seems to have died of either a heart attack or a stroke and needless to say my whole family is devastated. I really wish I could be there for them but with my classes having started and funds limited there is just no way. The funeral takes place tomorrow but I know that my dad would want me to continue to press on in school-and that's what the rest of my family has said as well. I just have no idea how I am going to be able to perform well like I have in the past with all of this grief. I am still in such shock at the loss of not only my father but my best friend that I find it hard to even see school as an issue that I should be worried about. My orientation here ended yesterday and it was so underwhelming that I just want to escape. I am normally a very outgoing person and I have been away from family for extended periods of time (I was an exchange student for one year in Germany during HS) but I just feel like the last thing I want to do is think about school.<br /> How have you all dealt with this? I know they say to stay active when one has lost a parent suddenly but I just have no desire to be around others who can't process what I'm going through. I know it isn't their fault that they don't know how to help me (I don't really even want to tell anyone what has happened either) but I almost just want to give up. People say that the death takes a while-even years or decades to get over. I don't no if I can take this for that long. It still all feels like a dream that I will wake up from.... </p> http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/my-little-brother-my-best-friend#post-192 Thu, 12 Aug 2010 05:17:27 +0000 apara 192@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ <p>Hello, my name is Alexandria. Two years ago my little brother Carl was diagnosed with AML Leukemia. It was my senior year of highschool and I was scared to death. My mom being a nurse knew which hospital to take him to which was four hours away. The day he was diagnosed I knew what would happen, I tried so hard not to cry in the hospital room when the doctor told him he had cancer like it was as minor as telling someone they had the flu. As soon as the dr. left the room Carl started crying. I could tell he was terrified. My parents both being nurses knew what we were getting into and that AML Leukemia is the worse kind you can have. For months my mom who I was very close with stayed with my brother at the hospital. I visited on the weekends. As trivial is it may seem I hate myself for not taking Carl things at the hospital to keep him excited. Carl was fifteen when he was diagnosed and he died a month after his sixteenth birthday which he spent in bed unable to move. I have started since then graduated highschool and started college both things I thought he would be there for. Someday i will get married and have children and he will never see any of it. We were supposed to do these things together and now he wont get to do them at all. All I can think of are the last few days in the intensive care unit and how he looked. It broke my heart that my little brother had to go through such horrific changes and pain. For once I could not help him. Carl and I were best friends. We hung out everyday and every weekend. His friends were mine and mine his. He was the only person whose opinion I cared about. If I impressed Carl I was successful. If I had a problem I talked to Carl. He wasnt just my sibling he was my best friend. I was really quiet my senior year and had barely any friends that I could talk to. No one understood, and now they have all forgotten. While my mom was gone I caught my father cheating on her and had to deal with telling her. My dad then moved out and left me living by myself for months until my mother returned.My boyfriend is the only reason im still sane but at times it kills me that even after his father passing this year he doesnt seem to understand the pain i feel. I have tried therapy but still every night I am haunted by things I could have done better or time that I somehow wasted. I didnt even get to the hospital in time to say goodbye to him, he was under anestesia by the time I arrived. I never got to say goodbye. My parents are mostly aware of their own pain, when I try to share my feelings they automatically start talking about themselves. My heart is broken and I am not me anymore nor will I ever be again. He was a part of me. My family did not deserve this, there is no way to justify it or reason with it. I feel like im constantly standing still and everyone else is passing me and moving on. I wish people realized that this pain does not go away. It does not get better or easier it just gets more routine to deal with it. Things like this dont make people stronger they make people damaged. My mood swings frustrate my boyfriend of three years but how can I be reminded of Carl numerous times every single day and not feel sad? I have no one here for me because the only person I could count on is gone. I would trade him places in a second and I hate myself for not being a bone marrow match. No one knows my feelings because I cant bring myself to tell people these things. I dont want sympathy I want someone to understand that things dont go back to normal and people arent the same after things like this happen, even though the world expects it to. I am a single child now of a divorced broken family. I blinked and ended up in a world I dont know how to live in. I am no longer his sissy. I cant say I know who I am anymore at all. </p> http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/a-year-ago-mother-died-suddenly#post-191 Mon, 09 Aug 2010 02:47:03 +0000 james27 191@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ <p>Taylor I was crying to what had happened to you. I don't really understand how you feel when you lost someone you loved. I symphatized how you feel.</p> <p><a href="http://makemoneyonline.net.ph/">make money online</a><br /> <a href="http://mp3andmp4free-james27.blogspot.com/">New Media Releases MP4 and MP3 </a> </p> http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/how-teenagers-cope-psychology-today-article#post-190 Thu, 05 Aug 2010 15:46:34 +0000 mamuewe 190@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ <p>Thank you for this great report about the behaviour of teenagers.<br /> It is good to see that other parents have the same problems.</p> <p>------------------<br /> <a href="http://netbook-kaufen.de">Netbook kaufen</a> </p> http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/a-year-ago-mother-died-suddenly#post-189 Tue, 03 Aug 2010 07:09:55 +0000 Lance7_q 189@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ <p>hi Taylor,<br /> I read your testimony and I was crying to what had happened to you.<br /> Wish you are in good hand and good health,<br /> Take care and fight your painful moment let go move on<br /> You should have an acceptance about what happened I<br /> know God has a plan for you!</p> <p>Truly yours,Lance</p> <p><a href="http://gamegoldreview.com/" rel="nofollow">http://gamegoldreview.com/</a> </p> http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/loss-of-a-parent-college-graduation#post-188 Tue, 03 Aug 2010 04:32:31 +0000 Sam13 188@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ <p>HI<br /> First of all congratulations for you are a bachelor now,,..<br /> I just want you to know that all that is happening in our lives is Gods way of making us grow...Maybe it is now your moms time...<br /> And what all happens in your life keep in mind that your mom and God is watching you all the time.....<br /> So cheers.......<br /> ___________________________________________________________<br /> <a href="http://getridofacneformula.com/best-way-to-get-rid-of-acne" rel="nofollow">http://getridofacneformula.com/best-way-to-get-rid-of-acne</a> </p> http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/i-hate-this-feeling-that-it-is-too-late#post-182 Tue, 27 Jul 2010 07:16:55 +0000 Japcy07PRE 182@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ <p>HI Sappho,I understand the situation you have.I realize that every moment with your childhood peer is very important to treasure.I was felt sad for you but thanks you shared all your thoughts here with no hesitation.Btw,dont feel all alone because God never leaves us in times of lonliness and sorrow.Surrender all to Our Most Precious Powerful God your weaknessess and he will protect you from failures.!<br /> God Bless!</p> <p><a href="http://gamegoldreview.com/">guild-wars-2-gold</a> </p> http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/not-what-i-was-looking-for#post-181 Tue, 27 Jul 2010 02:07:38 +0000 Japcy07 181@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ <p>Yes you are very right.Sometimes you cant hide the feeling that you want to hide for the reason that they will never know why you are hurt.Those things happen to me when someone I love left me and go to other place to live and to work.It was a hard decision to be left because of some reasons.Though I want to keep to my friends what I felt I never did because there was a friend who can stick closer to you and comfort and fill your sorrow time.</p> <p><a href="http://gamegoldreview.com/">guild-wars-2-gold</a> </p> http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/tradgedy-throughout-my-family#post-177 Fri, 16 Jul 2010 05:14:34 +0000 atasahipie1 177@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ <p>Hello David I am sorry for the encountered experience of you.Just let me know if I have something to do /share to make you happy and to forget the pain in your heart.Let us take away the thorn in your heart..</p> <p><a href="http://makemoneyonline.net.ph/" rel="nofollow">http://makemoneyonline.net.ph/</a> </p> http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/dad-with-brain-tumor#post-166 Tue, 18 May 2010 03:53:11 +0000 sunan 166@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ <p>Popular Discount Ralph Lauren Polo Clothing store [url= <a href="http://www.brandname-clothing.com/ralph-lauren-polo-c-3.html]Ralph" rel="nofollow">http://www.brandname-clothing.com/ralph-lauren-polo-c-3.html]Ralph</a> Lauren Polo[/url] offering thouesands of Cheap Ralph Lauren Polo Clothes,all latest styles are ready for shipment. </p> http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/dad-with-brain-tumor#post-164 Wed, 12 May 2010 21:52:09 +0000 desmondh 164@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ <p>i am 19 years old and my dad has grade four gliacoma brain tumor cancer. he was diagonosed when i was 16, so its been 3 long years. he's better now, but there's always that feeling of something going wrong or a tumor growing back.<br /> -hannah </p> http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/loss-of-a-parent-college-graduation#post-161 Fri, 07 May 2010 17:11:02 +0000 Sappho 161@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ <p>I think you should go to the graduation. It is also something for YOU to be proud of yourself, not just for others.</p> <p>I graduated in December, and I am a much older student, and I had similar thoughts. At first, I thought it would be silly to go, but I'm glad I went. I had some friends in the audience supporting me. </p> http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/my-dad-always-told-me-life-is-short#post-160 Fri, 07 May 2010 17:07:19 +0000 Sappho 160@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ <p>Dear danielsimz,</p> <p>That is a beautiful thought! Me too. </p> http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/loss#post-151 Tue, 04 May 2010 12:46:38 +0000 markcasias 151@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ <p>Our prayers and thoughts may always be in God to you and your children....God bless you always.....</p> <p>______________<br /> <a href="http://www.augenlaser-femto-lasik.de" rel="nofollow">http://www.augenlaser-femto-lasik.de</a> </p> http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/loss#post-150 Tue, 04 May 2010 03:53:29 +0000 danielsimz 150@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ <p>I recently suffered the loss of my husband. I always pray to God that I should be strong enough to survive for my children. There's a saving "Life is like a blanket too short. You pull it up and your toes rebel, you yank it down and shivers meander about your shoulder; but cheerful folks manage to draw their knees up and pass a very comfortable night". Before it's too late we should show our affection and love to our husband,wife,friends,family and to our children.</p> <p><a href="http://www.drbraceco.com/">Knee Braces</a> </p> http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/my-dad-always-told-me-life-is-short#post-149 Sun, 02 May 2010 11:48:33 +0000 danielsimz 149@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ <p>When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me." </p> http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/my-dad-always-told-me-life-is-short#post-148 Tue, 27 Apr 2010 13:23:56 +0000 SheilaMonzon 148@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ <p>Yes life is short. Out of the billions of years the universe has and will been around we're only around for 80 or so yes life is very short. </p> http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/loss-of-a-parent-college-graduation#post-147 Tue, 27 Apr 2010 01:46:14 +0000 LilG 147@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ <p>Hi everyone,</p> <p>I've been touched by reading many of your stories on this forum, so thank you all for sharing! I've been going through some emotions that friends just can't relate to, so I thought I'd post on here and see if maybe I can find some strength through others who have gone through this. </p> <p>About a year ago, my mom passed away after battling stage IV breast cancer. She was a single parent, and I am an only child, so we were incredibly close. She was my best friend and the best mom I could have asked for. She helped me grow into someone who made school a priority, and all though my life (especially as she got sicker and she knew hers was coming to an end), she would tell me that I must finish school. This was never a question, but it was absolutely a priority to her. </p> <p>I'm just under 2 weeks from graduating with my bachelor's degree from the University of Wisconsin Madison, looking ahead to grad school at Northwestern. All good things that I'm incredibly proud of, but the actual graduation ceremony is feeling very hollow for me and I'm considering not going. Has anyone else struggled with this? </p> <p>I feel that the ceremony itself is the most significant to parents who have watched their child grow up and have helped them achieve great things. Since I won't have my parent there, it really doesn't seem important to me. I'd rather move a day or two earlier and just get on with my life. </p> <p>My fiance says he and his family (who are wonderful to me) want to come and celebrate with me, but it just doesn't seem necessary. They're like family to me, but it won't have the same significance to them as it would have had to my mom. Not to mention I'm afraid that I'll just be a mess the day of the ceremony, just in tears the whole time because I'll be so upset that she's not able to be there. I'm so lost. Do I suck it up and go to the ceremony? Do I pass it by because it's not a priority to me and the key player won't be there physically? I know she's proud of me regardless so the ceremony doesn't really mean anything. </p> <p>I know no one can give me an answer, but if any of you have gone through a situation like this or can relate in any way to what I'm feeling, it would be great to hear from you. It's nice to know that you're not alone. </p> <p>Thanks </p> http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/not-what-i-was-looking-for#post-145 Fri, 23 Apr 2010 13:37:32 +0000 ewampler 145@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ <p>Dear Itwillbeok and everyone,</p> <p>It's GOOD to smile, but you don't have to smile all the time. Sometimes there are good days, and other times are really hard. Those are the times when you shouldn't worry about putting on a happy face for you friends. It's ok to be sad and hurt in front of them. They're your friends for a reason- they love you and they want to be there for you. </p> <p>If you still don't feel comfortable crying with your friends and family, that's OK. you can grieve by yourself, but don't feel that you always have to put on a happy face.</p> <p>I think I was reading this on this site somewhere, but it had some "rules for grief" and one of them was that you have the right to get upset over small everyday things and cry whenever you felt the need to. </p> <p>Not everyday will be a good day, but I know that not all of them will be bad. My mom's been gone almost a month, and I know that day will be hard, and Mother's day will be hard. But you need to use your friends and family. That's what they're there for. </p> http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/not-what-i-was-looking-for#post-143 Mon, 19 Apr 2010 18:37:00 +0000 Itwillbeok 143@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ <p>Remembertosmile-- Everything you are going through is completely normal. Just hang in there and remember to smile. However, I do have one suggestion, you don't have to smile all the time. It's ok to be sad and hurt. I smile all the time and sometimes that makes my life harder because my friends can never see that I am hurt inside. So smile often but if you don't feel like smiling 24/7 it's ok! </p> http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/not-what-i-was-looking-for#post-137 Sun, 18 Apr 2010 17:43:27 +0000 Remembertosmile 137@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ <p>Hey,</p> <p>I just heard about this grief awareness week and have been browsing the website and came across your conversation, I lost one of my best friends four months ago, she was only 22 and it was sudden and unexpected. It's the hardest thing I've ever gone through, I feel the same way 'itwillbeok', i am the "mom" of my group of friends and everyone comes to me for everything and now I'm trying to learn how to reach out when I need someone to listen. It's difficult because I knew her the longest and was the closest to her out our friends and I feel many of them don't have that attachment I do and have kind of moved on and I am in no way moved on. I'm still in shock and don't believe it always. I keep watching videos of her, listening to her voice, looking at pictures of us together and it breaks my heart but makes me smile all at the same time. She was just such a beautiful person and had a smile that lit up everyones life, so it's been easier to smile and laugh because that is what we always used to do. I'm slowly learning it's ok to talk about her. Everything reminds me of her and I have dreams about her and they are so real, she is always silent and I know it's her watching me and letting me now she is ok. </p> <p>I know this isn't the same as loosing a parent, I can't even imagine, but I know we are still feeling the same feelings. It helped me to read your posts!</p> <p>Remember to smile! </p> http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/i-hate-this-feeling-that-it-is-too-late#post-135 Wed, 14 Apr 2010 12:21:45 +0000 Sappho 135@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ <p>Dear Itwillbeok and tpeaswar,</p> <p>Thanks so much for your comments. Knowing that you can relate helps me so much! </p> http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/not-what-i-was-looking-for#post-134 Wed, 14 Apr 2010 12:19:41 +0000 Sappho 134@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ <p>Thanks for saying "I am not alone in my grief." That helps me too. I had a hard time getting out of bed today. </p> http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/i-hate-this-feeling-that-it-is-too-late#post-133 Wed, 14 Apr 2010 04:27:31 +0000 tpeaswar 133@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ <p>I completely understand what you mean when you say you don't know who you are or what you want other than wanting what is absolutely impossible to have again. I lost my dad last August after watching him decline for about 9 months. I feel angry and sad almost all the time, and I haven't been able to sleep since it happened. </p> <p>I believe you will be close to your dad. In these times, the only person that could understand your feelings and thoughts would be your father because he is suffering with you. I am praying that you find peace. </p> http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/loss#post-132 Mon, 12 Apr 2010 18:33:49 +0000 Itwillbeok 132@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ <p>Dear Sappho, </p> <p>I know I said that one should not make sure you alienate your friends but that is because I have kind of done that. It is so hard not to. </p> <p>Over time you will find who you are. It will come to you but everything takes time just like everyone says. </p> <p>If you have the chance to go to bereavement group go! I wish I had the opportunity to go to a group and make friends that are similar to me and can understand what I am going through. </p> http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/i-hate-this-feeling-that-it-is-too-late#post-131 Mon, 12 Apr 2010 18:22:51 +0000 Itwillbeok 131@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ <p>I hate the feeling of crying all the time. I feel like any night when I end up crying myself to sleep that it needs to be the last night of crying. I always wake up the next morning with a huge headache if I cry the night before and it just makes it worse. I don't want to cry but a lot of the times its the only way that I make myself feel better. </p> http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/not-what-i-was-looking-for#post-130 Mon, 12 Apr 2010 18:12:40 +0000 Itwillbeok 130@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ <p>Hi Guys, </p> <p>I just read your conversation and I have a lot of the same feelings about my friends. I don't want them to think that I am in need of them worrying about me constantly. Most of the time when I get lonely and need to talk to someone I call someone that is not here at school with me but still a close friend of mine. I also have a few different people that I tend to call so I am not always "bothering" the same person. </p> <p>I am always the person that my friends come to when they need help so me going to them seems so strange. When I need support a lot of times I just come to this forum and read what people have written to remember that I am not alone in my grief. </p> http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/not-what-i-was-looking-for#post-129 Sun, 11 Apr 2010 16:20:57 +0000 Sappho 129@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ <p>Dear Emily,</p> <p>Thanks for writing again. I know what you mean about asking your friends for a hug... I am afraid that I will make THEM worry too much about me... but sometimes I really DO need their support. Also, I feel like I have always been sort of a "tough" and "strong" person, but I don't necessarily want to be that way right now. I just want to be human.</p> <p>Thanks for the idea that your mom is no longer in pain... that is a good thought. My brother is no longer in pain, and when my mom goes, that will be true for her too.</p> <p>Thank you! </p> http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/not-what-i-was-looking-for#post-128 Sun, 11 Apr 2010 01:31:22 +0000 ewampler 128@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ <p>Sappho, of course I don't know your whole story, but I understand your feelings of lost motivations and crying. I have wonderful friends and a loving family, but when I feel like that I need to cry or talk I don't want to do it around those people. not so much because I care about crying in front of people but I think because I don't want to bring them down with me. I'm not sad all the time, but when I am I sometimes just want to hug someone but I hate asking my friends because I know they're all so busy and I don't want to make them so sad... </p> <p>I don't know about you, but the worst feeling ever is people looking at you because they know you're mom is gone and giving you those pity looks... </p> <p>I'm so sorry about your mom and your brother. </p> <p>I take great comfort in the fact that my mom is no longer in pain anymore and she is now fully alert and strong in heaven where she is happy with her parents and friends who have passed away. I hope you can take comfort in words and knowing that your mother will soon be in a better place.</p> <p>-Emily </p> http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/i-hate-this-feeling-that-it-is-too-late#post-127 Sat, 10 Apr 2010 16:19:21 +0000 Sappho 127@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ <p>My brother was my best friend, and he passed away 5 years ago from HIV. When I was young, I was incredibly shy, but I always knew I had my brother. After he died, I stayed in shock for about 2 years, and tried to not deal with it. Well, that sort of made it worse. I feel so lonely because my brother was the only person in the world who I felt REALLY understood me. And he’s gone.</p> <p>Now, my mom has Alzheimer's and she has been fading for a few years, and she is pretty much "gone" already. She doesn't recognize my dad and me most of the time, unless we are on the phone and she can focus on our voice.</p> <p>I never really understood my parents' relationship; my dad seemed kind of cold toward my mom. But now that my mom is sick, I see how much my dad loves her. He takes care of her every moment.</p> <p>I was never really close to my parents, and now that my mother is fading, I feel so sad that I never really got a chance to be close to her. Last night I felt really guilty so I called her and asked, "Mom, did I love you enough in your life?" And she said, "Oh, yes. Yes, you did. And I love you so much." The sad thing is, I think she really did love me, but I couldn't feel it most of the time because I had other problems.</p> <p>I am crying almost all of the time. I hate the feeling that it is too late to be close to people. I have lost all motivation to do anything in my life; I don’t care about my dreams anymore. I don’t seem to care about anything. But I know it is a "typical" thing when you’re grieving to lose interest in things. I just feel like I don’t know who I am and I don’t know what I want anymore...other than to be close to people--but specifically, close to my brother and my mom, who are gone from me. Also, to be close to my dad, who is alive, at least. </p> http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/loss#post-126 Sat, 10 Apr 2010 16:05:29 +0000 Sappho 126@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ <p>Dear itwillbeok,</p> <p>Thank you for the encouragement, especially how you said this: "Make sure you do not alienate your friends, they want to help but just don’t know how to. Don’t give up on any of your dreams that you have for yourself. Stay strong, stay involved, keep up with your work in school and organizations."</p> <p>I am having a total identity crisis. I don't know who I am, and I feel like I don't care about anything anymore. I don't care about my dreams for my life--I think they are stupid, now. I feel that nothing matters, and my dreams definitely do not matter. But I also realize this is a symptom of grief, so I am just hoping that I feel like I know who I am one day again.</p> <p>I am trying to take your advice, and talk to friends about it. I went to a bereavement group when my brother died, but I was numb and it didn't help me. Now that my mom is getting ready to die, I am going to a bereavement group, and it is actually helping to talk. But talking about my feelings does not come easily to me. </p> http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/a-year-ago-mother-died-suddenly#post-125 Sat, 10 Apr 2010 15:54:07 +0000 Sappho 125@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ <p>Dear Taylor,</p> <p>I could really relate to you when you wrote this: "Flashes of memories always coming at me... I have been too strong for too long. I am now breaking down. It feels like a scar was just ripped open, alcohol poured on it and burned. No one understands."</p> <p>My brother was my best friend, and he passed away 5 years ago from HIV. I stayed in shock for about 2 years, and tried to not deal with it. Well, that sort of made it worse. Now, my mom has really bad Alzheimer's and she can barely recognize my father and me, so I feel she is already "gone." I feel so lonely because my brother was my best friend, and I was never really close to my parents, and now that my mother is fading, I feel so sad that I never really got a chance to be close to her.</p> <p>I feel I have also been "too strong for too long", and now I feel lost and aimless. I feel like I am drifting and I don't know who I am or what I want. </p> http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/not-what-i-was-looking-for#post-124 Sat, 10 Apr 2010 13:34:34 +0000 Sappho 124@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ <p>Dear ewampler,</p> <p>Thanks for posting. My mom has Alzheimer's and she has been fading for a few years, and she is pretty much "gone" already. She doesn't recognize us most of the time, unless we are on the phone and she can focus on our voice. I was never really close to her, and now I am feeling so much regret about not trying harder to get closer to her.</p> <p>I can really relate to your story about your dad. I never really understood my parents' relationship; my dad seemed kind of cold toward my mom. But now that my mom is sick, I see how much my dad loves her. He takes care of her every moment.</p> <p>Right now I am really hurting because my mom is already "gone", and will die soon, and I feel that I have missed out on getting close to her. Last night I felt really guilty so I called her and asked, "Mom, did I love you enough in your life?" And she said, "Oh, yes. Yes, you did. And I love you so much." The sad thing is, I think she really did love me, but I couldn't feel it most of the time because I had other problems.</p> <p>I am crying almost all of the time and can barely make it to class sometime; plus I am working.</p> <p>Thanks for sharing! </p> http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/not-what-i-was-looking-for#post-123 Thu, 08 Apr 2010 23:11:07 +0000 ewampler 123@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ <p>My mom passed away about three weeks ago. I'm now a Junior in college, but my mom had been fighting ovarian cancer since I was a sophomore in high school. After numerous rounds of chemo and radiation, her body just couldn't take it anymore. It sucks that it wasn't even the cancer that hurt her the most... but the treatments. Around Christmas my dad told me that the doctors had given Momma less than a year to live, and unfortunately she only made it four months. I feel stupid and useless for not spending more time with her when I could have those last few months, but I was trying to be optimistic, thinking I'd still have more time with her. After Christmas, she lost a dramatic amount of weight and became increasingly tired. Her last months were mostly spent sleeping, but I was there holding her hand with my two sisters and Dad as she passed to heaven. I had known her death was coming, could feel in on my way home that last time, I just didn't want to admit it. I feel like the last months she was here- she was already slipping away. I would lay on her bed with her and just watch her sleeping, holding her hand. </p> <p>Now that Momma's gone I feel terrible saying it but it doesn't feel like she's gone... it felt like she was gone months ago. Mostly now I hate being away from my younger sisters and especially my dad.</p> <p>Growing up my parents had a close loving relationship with each other and with each of their daughters. But seeing how my dad took care of my mom these last months, I was blown away by their love. </p> <p>I've been SO incredibly lucky to have such a loving family and strong group of friends who support me, but I still feel like no one understands. I have two younger sisters (one in college and one still in high school) and I know that everyone grieves in different ways. I hate being in school so far away from my family, but I talked to my mom before she passed away she was very insistent that I not leave college, even for a semester.</p> <p>I saw the ad for this website forum and I thought I'd try it out... I read through a few of the topics already posted and I wasn't impressed by any of the entries. I was expecting this to be a site where people who had lost loved ones could talk, comfort and grieve together, but I'm disappointed to find a lot of insignificant, useless whining. </p> <p>I'm sorry if this sounds harsh or negative, but I was really hoping that I'd be able to connect with some people on this site to talk about our feelings of loss and remember the happy times and reassure each other that those happy times will come again. </p> http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/dad-just-passed-away#post-122 Sat, 03 Apr 2010 03:43:50 +0000 Itwillbeok 122@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ <p>I am right there with you. I posted my story a little over a year ago but shocking enough my Dad died from an unexpected heart attack on Feb 5th 2009. I am a year farther then you in the grief process and I can't say I know exactly how you feel but it's sure has to be similar. </p>