National Students of AMF FORUM: Recent Topics

National Students of AMF FORUM: Recent Topics http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ National Students of AMF FORUM en Thu, 09 Sep 2010 12:53:59 +0000 shortysboardsskt on "My Dad Passed away last Saturday" http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/my-dad-passed-away-last-saturday#post-200 Fri, 03 Sep 2010 02:28:12 +0000 shortysboardsskt 200@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ My father, Jeff, passed away last Saturday on August 28th, 2010. This was a day before my start as a freshman in college-I graduated HS in June 2010 with my mom and dad by my side. I still feel like this is all a dream and I know that I haven't been able to process what has happened. I left Arizona for Alaska (where I am attending college) last Wednesday June 25th and hugged my whole family at the airport. It is so surreal to me that I will never see him again on this earth and I wish that I had been able to wish him goodbye-he seems to have died of either a heart attack or a stroke and needless to say my whole family is devastated. I really wish I could be there for them but with my classes having started and funds limited there is just no way. The funeral takes place tomorrow but I know that my dad would want me to continue to press on in school-and that's what the rest of my family has said as well. I just have no idea how I am going to be able to perform well like I have in the past with all of this grief. I am still in such shock at the loss of not only my father but my best friend that I find it hard to even see school as an issue that I should be worried about. My orientation here ended yesterday and it was so underwhelming that I just want to escape. I am normally a very outgoing person and I have been away from family for extended periods of time (I was an exchange student for one year in Germany during HS) but I just feel like the last thing I want to do is think about school. How have you all dealt with this? I know they say to stay active when one has lost a parent suddenly but I just have no desire to be around others who can't process what I'm going through. I know it isn't their fault that they don't know how to help me (I don't really even want to tell anyone what has happened either) but I almost just want to give up. People say that the death takes a while-even years or decades to get over. I don't no if I can take this for that long. It still all feels like a dream that I will wake up from.... apara on "My little brother, My best friend" http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/my-little-brother-my-best-friend#post-192 Thu, 12 Aug 2010 05:17:27 +0000 apara 192@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ Hello, my name is Alexandria. Two years ago my little brother Carl was diagnosed with AML Leukemia. It was my senior year of highschool and I was scared to death. My mom being a nurse knew which hospital to take him to which was four hours away. The day he was diagnosed I knew what would happen, I tried so hard not to cry in the hospital room when the doctor told him he had cancer like it was as minor as telling someone they had the flu. As soon as the dr. left the room Carl started crying. I could tell he was terrified. My parents both being nurses knew what we were getting into and that AML Leukemia is the worse kind you can have. For months my mom who I was very close with stayed with my brother at the hospital. I visited on the weekends. As trivial is it may seem I hate myself for not taking Carl things at the hospital to keep him excited. Carl was fifteen when he was diagnosed and he died a month after his sixteenth birthday which he spent in bed unable to move. I have started since then graduated highschool and started college both things I thought he would be there for. Someday i will get married and have children and he will never see any of it. We were supposed to do these things together and now he wont get to do them at all. All I can think of are the last few days in the intensive care unit and how he looked. It broke my heart that my little brother had to go through such horrific changes and pain. For once I could not help him. Carl and I were best friends. We hung out everyday and every weekend. His friends were mine and mine his. He was the only person whose opinion I cared about. If I impressed Carl I was successful. If I had a problem I talked to Carl. He wasnt just my sibling he was my best friend. I was really quiet my senior year and had barely any friends that I could talk to. No one understood, and now they have all forgotten. While my mom was gone I caught my father cheating on her and had to deal with telling her. My dad then moved out and left me living by myself for months until my mother returned.My boyfriend is the only reason im still sane but at times it kills me that even after his father passing this year he doesnt seem to understand the pain i feel. I have tried therapy but still every night I am haunted by things I could have done better or time that I somehow wasted. I didnt even get to the hospital in time to say goodbye to him, he was under anestesia by the time I arrived. I never got to say goodbye. My parents are mostly aware of their own pain, when I try to share my feelings they automatically start talking about themselves. My heart is broken and I am not me anymore nor will I ever be again. He was a part of me. My family did not deserve this, there is no way to justify it or reason with it. I feel like im constantly standing still and everyone else is passing me and moving on. I wish people realized that this pain does not go away. It does not get better or easier it just gets more routine to deal with it. Things like this dont make people stronger they make people damaged. My mood swings frustrate my boyfriend of three years but how can I be reminded of Carl numerous times every single day and not feel sad? I have no one here for me because the only person I could count on is gone. I would trade him places in a second and I hate myself for not being a bone marrow match. No one knows my feelings because I cant bring myself to tell people these things. I dont want sympathy I want someone to understand that things dont go back to normal and people arent the same after things like this happen, even though the world expects it to. I am a single child now of a divorced broken family. I blinked and ended up in a world I dont know how to live in. I am no longer his sissy. I cant say I know who I am anymore at all. Taylor on "A year ago Mother died suddenly" http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/a-year-ago-mother-died-suddenly#post-16 Sun, 26 Jul 2009 13:58:26 +0000 Taylor 16@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ Reflection: 7-24-08, I had the day off from work and no summer classes. I was looking forward to sleeping in. My father, calling me approximately 7AM over and over. I did not answer I thought I was going to get a lecture (about what-had no idea). Voicemail- better check, "Taylor call me back this is a 911 emergency." Call father, "Taylor, your mom is having a medical emergency you better get here now." Mad fury, rush to car, speed in car, the whole way there "Please God Please God Please God" over and over although I never finished the sentence. Arrive, ambulances, cop cars, blocking street. Throw car into park, run, run, run. Why is she not in the ambulance, why is the stretcher still outside? Father- top of stairs with police. I asked "is she stable" they were trying to explain something slowly. "Is SHE STABLE- WHERE IS SHE?" (I have EMS training) "Your mother passed away" Heart sunk. Time frooze. Life? Father collapses. Father ..... most upset man I will ever see. Walk to bedroom. She is there, on the ground. She had died in my father's arms that morning. I throw myself on her. She is still warm. Mom how can you be dead? I remember my father also coming in and repeating over and over "My beautiful wife, my beautiful wife." Where is my sister? Where is my sister? Calling her, can't find her. She was asleep downstairs. "Morgan, wake up. Mom is DEAD!" (looking back I wish I did this better) I called and texted everyone "Mom is dead." My mother's sister, "Taylor, we have to plan the service." I don't want to, I am only twenty. I don't want to plan a service I don't want her dead NO NO NO. I did it anyway with the help of my mother's siblings, sister and father. My father looked out the window. On my mother's beautiful garden, a female black butterfly (Eastern Tiger Swallowtail) landed on a purple cone flower. My father knew it was my mother telling him everything would be ok, I am free now. The black butterfly is the symbol of my mother. Flying above us, watching us- freed. It is what keeps us going through the day. The night before, I had an urge to go home and see my mother. I went home at 10PM and woke her up by turning on the television. We stayed up together for two hours talking, laughing, and being the best friends we always were. I was tired, so when my mom got up to go to bed I didn't give her a hug and kiss like I normally would. I was tired. I wish I would have given her that hug and kiss. Today Sunday a year ago was her service. It was beautiful. It was outside. I can't even explain it but God was with us. She was with us. It truly was a celebration for Theresa. It was not a funeral. Everything that has happened in the past year since, is even more hard and a blur. Flashes of memories always coming at me. I sit here reflecting. I have been too strong for too long. I am now breaking down. It feels like a scar was just ripped open, alcohol poured on it and burned. No one understands. The only one who does (my sister) I don't want her to see me upset. I think she feels the same. I grieve in private. I grieve here right now today- surrounded by 8 others who don't realize the tears I am shedding. I wonder, is it easier to know someone is going to die? Is it harder when someone you love passes without ANY warning? This is an unanswerable question. The anniversary of her sudden passing, my sister, father, and I got black butterflies on a purple cone flower tattooed on ourselves. Now I can see that my mother is always with me. Now I know we are connected forever. Theresa was a wonderful person. Everyone knows their mother is the best mom ever, but my mom was the best person ever. She was very special. She graced this world for 54 years as a living, breathing angel. And now she flies above us, in a better place that she deserves to be. She as too good for this world. David on ""How Teenagers Cope!" -Psychology Today article" http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/how-teenagers-cope-psychology-today-article#post-20 Mon, 14 Sep 2009 02:24:59 +0000 David 20@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ September 11, 2009, Relationships How Teenagers Cope! Teens need support, perspective and vocabulary for grieving How Teenagers Cope! Teenagers often give their parents things to worry about. Most of the worries I hear about concern their child's wellbeing after the death of the other parent. Many fear that their child is not grieving in a way that they can identify as grief. They worry this lack of grieving can have a negative impact on their child's future mental health. Sometimes there is reason for concern. I can think of one situation where a brother and sister got involved taking drugs and they were subsequently picked up by the police for driving a stolen car. What was happening in this family? As it turned out, there was nobody paying attention to the children. Their father described himself after the death of his wife as a couch potato. He went to work and came home and simply sat lost in his own grief. He said that it took him six months to realize that, while he had lost his wife, his children had lost their mother. He didn't know how they got to school or what they ate. What the children said about this was that they wished their mother was alive so that they could be a family again. It becomes clear that the surviving parent's ability to continue to parent makes a big difference in how the child copes. Children, regardless of their age, need care and connection. Related Articles * Parental divorce and adolescents * Brotherloss: Strikes heartstrings around the blogosphere * The Age of Psychiatric Diagnosis * Using Your Own Experience * Family Ties Much of what we know about grief is primarily framed in problem behavior, so that even the most involved parent can worry. One father questioned me about his son's wellbeing. He asked what he should look for to know whether or not his child was in trouble. His son was doing very well in school, he was admitted to the college of his choice, he had an active social life, but he would not talk with his father about his mother's death. This alone caused the father to fear for his son's future. Does the fact that the child has difficulty talking about his deceased parent or sharing his feelings indicate that there will be psychological difficulties in his or her future? What do teenagers say about this? They say they need their parent's attention; to know that he or she is there to take care of them, and they also need to hear that these are difficult times, but together they will learn and they will go on. Teenagers need to know about the family's financial situation and what the death means for how the family will manage. They cannot take the role of the dead parent, nor should they be expected to. They also need to know what changes may take place in the way the family lives together and manages, and how they can be helpful. They need to know that it is okay to show their feelings if they want to, and to talk about their now dead parent; but they also need to know that there is no given time within which they must do this. They need to know that their wish to be quiet is respected. They need to know that their surviving parent can reflect on their own behavior with their children, and if he or she shares some of their own pain, their children are not expected to fix it. Teens need a sense of security and safety, and that can be more important than anything else. Just as you may not know what is going on inside, your children may not know either. What does grief look like? I'm not sure. I recall a widowed mother telling me that her eight-year-old son told her that he didn't want to go to school His friend told him that if he was really sad that his father died, he would be crying all the time, why wasn't he?. He couldn't do what his friend wanted and so he decided not to go to school anymore. Is his friend right? Should he be crying all the time? Maybe they were both seeking ways to understand what this kind of loss means. Crying reflects some of the sense of catastrophe that can come with the loss of a parent. However, it doesn't begin to reflect what such a death can mean, and we all can't cry on cue or in public. One of the problems most of us have, and teenagers are no exception, is to find appropriate words for what we are feeling. As we get older, we may build a vocabulary from our experience. But in young families this may be a family's first experience with death. Where are the words for the tumult, the changes, and the pain? How do we know we will survive? This makes it even more difficult when we talk about sharing. This ability to understand and find expression may be an evolving process that needs time -- time to understand what has happened and what this enormous loss means in the life of this child. For many, it is only with this time and a new perspective that they can begin to talk about the meaning of the loss in their lives, and only then can they find words for their grief. Parent's need others to help them find their way, to help them as they support their children. Children need some of the same things. We begin to see the value of others who share the same experience. This subject came up at a recent meeting of the Research Committee of The Children's Room in Arlington, MA. Some of the members of the committee had attended a workshop at The Children's Room, on the subject: Grief in Young Adults. Several of the speakers were young adults who had experienced the death of a parent in their teen years. They talked about their difficulty, at the time, in talking about what this meant and what they were feeling. They felt that the help came when they went to college. Here, for the first time they met themselves as young adults, and found an unexpected ease in sharing what it had been like for them after the death of one of their parents. They found that a kind of sharing and opening up becomes possible as never before. Together these young adults said they found words, could give each other support, and they learned to live with the past as they moved to the future. When no opportunities spontaneously arise, students often organize an opportunity for themselves. We describe what one student did to set up a bereavement group when she came to college, in our book A Parent's Guide to Raising Grieving Children. Recently, a new national organization has been formed by grieving college students. The organization's express purpose is to make it possible for college students to help each other when dealing with the death of a parent or when a parent is dying. Their address is <a href="http://www.StudentsofAMF.org" rel="nofollow">www.StudentsofAMF.org</a> LilG on "Loss of a parent + college graduation" http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/loss-of-a-parent-college-graduation#post-147 Tue, 27 Apr 2010 01:46:14 +0000 LilG 147@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ Hi everyone, I've been touched by reading many of your stories on this forum, so thank you all for sharing! I've been going through some emotions that friends just can't relate to, so I thought I'd post on here and see if maybe I can find some strength through others who have gone through this. About a year ago, my mom passed away after battling stage IV breast cancer. She was a single parent, and I am an only child, so we were incredibly close. She was my best friend and the best mom I could have asked for. She helped me grow into someone who made school a priority, and all though my life (especially as she got sicker and she knew hers was coming to an end), she would tell me that I must finish school. This was never a question, but it was absolutely a priority to her. I'm just under 2 weeks from graduating with my bachelor's degree from the University of Wisconsin Madison, looking ahead to grad school at Northwestern. All good things that I'm incredibly proud of, but the actual graduation ceremony is feeling very hollow for me and I'm considering not going. Has anyone else struggled with this? I feel that the ceremony itself is the most significant to parents who have watched their child grow up and have helped them achieve great things. Since I won't have my parent there, it really doesn't seem important to me. I'd rather move a day or two earlier and just get on with my life. My fiance says he and his family (who are wonderful to me) want to come and celebrate with me, but it just doesn't seem necessary. They're like family to me, but it won't have the same significance to them as it would have had to my mom. Not to mention I'm afraid that I'll just be a mess the day of the ceremony, just in tears the whole time because I'll be so upset that she's not able to be there. I'm so lost. Do I suck it up and go to the ceremony? Do I pass it by because it's not a priority to me and the key player won't be there physically? I know she's proud of me regardless so the ceremony doesn't really mean anything. I know no one can give me an answer, but if any of you have gone through a situation like this or can relate in any way to what I'm feeling, it would be great to hear from you. It's nice to know that you're not alone. Thanks Sappho on "I hate this feeling that IT IS TOO LATE" http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/i-hate-this-feeling-that-it-is-too-late#post-127 Sat, 10 Apr 2010 16:19:21 +0000 Sappho 127@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ My brother was my best friend, and he passed away 5 years ago from HIV. When I was young, I was incredibly shy, but I always knew I had my brother. After he died, I stayed in shock for about 2 years, and tried to not deal with it. Well, that sort of made it worse. I feel so lonely because my brother was the only person in the world who I felt REALLY understood me. And he’s gone. Now, my mom has Alzheimer's and she has been fading for a few years, and she is pretty much "gone" already. She doesn't recognize my dad and me most of the time, unless we are on the phone and she can focus on our voice. I never really understood my parents' relationship; my dad seemed kind of cold toward my mom. But now that my mom is sick, I see how much my dad loves her. He takes care of her every moment. I was never really close to my parents, and now that my mother is fading, I feel so sad that I never really got a chance to be close to her. Last night I felt really guilty so I called her and asked, "Mom, did I love you enough in your life?" And she said, "Oh, yes. Yes, you did. And I love you so much." The sad thing is, I think she really did love me, but I couldn't feel it most of the time because I had other problems. I am crying almost all of the time. I hate the feeling that it is too late to be close to people. I have lost all motivation to do anything in my life; I don’t care about my dreams anymore. I don’t seem to care about anything. But I know it is a "typical" thing when you’re grieving to lose interest in things. I just feel like I don’t know who I am and I don’t know what I want anymore...other than to be close to people--but specifically, close to my brother and my mom, who are gone from me. Also, to be close to my dad, who is alive, at least. ewampler on "I held her hand" http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/not-what-i-was-looking-for#post-123 Thu, 08 Apr 2010 23:11:07 +0000 ewampler 123@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ My mom passed away about three weeks ago. I'm now a Junior in college, but my mom had been fighting ovarian cancer since I was a sophomore in high school. After numerous rounds of chemo and radiation, her body just couldn't take it anymore. It sucks that it wasn't even the cancer that hurt her the most... but the treatments. Around Christmas my dad told me that the doctors had given Momma less than a year to live, and unfortunately she only made it four months. I feel stupid and useless for not spending more time with her when I could have those last few months, but I was trying to be optimistic, thinking I'd still have more time with her. After Christmas, she lost a dramatic amount of weight and became increasingly tired. Her last months were mostly spent sleeping, but I was there holding her hand with my two sisters and Dad as she passed to heaven. I had known her death was coming, could feel in on my way home that last time, I just didn't want to admit it. I feel like the last months she was here- she was already slipping away. I would lay on her bed with her and just watch her sleeping, holding her hand. Now that Momma's gone I feel terrible saying it but it doesn't feel like she's gone... it felt like she was gone months ago. Mostly now I hate being away from my younger sisters and especially my dad. Growing up my parents had a close loving relationship with each other and with each of their daughters. But seeing how my dad took care of my mom these last months, I was blown away by their love. I've been SO incredibly lucky to have such a loving family and strong group of friends who support me, but I still feel like no one understands. I have two younger sisters (one in college and one still in high school) and I know that everyone grieves in different ways. I hate being in school so far away from my family, but I talked to my mom before she passed away she was very insistent that I not leave college, even for a semester. I saw the ad for this website forum and I thought I'd try it out... I read through a few of the topics already posted and I wasn't impressed by any of the entries. I was expecting this to be a site where people who had lost loved ones could talk, comfort and grieve together, but I'm disappointed to find a lot of insignificant, useless whining. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh or negative, but I was really hoping that I'd be able to connect with some people on this site to talk about our feelings of loss and remember the happy times and reassure each other that those happy times will come again. David on "tradgedy throughout my family" http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/tradgedy-throughout-my-family#post-10 Mon, 29 Jun 2009 19:55:47 +0000 David 10@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ Dear reader, Before this Forum was created, there was a way for students to email us their "story" and for us to post it on our website. Now that more people are checking out the Forum, I wanted to add their stories here. Here is a story: April 17, 2008 I'll break down my experience in three sections: My oldest brother passed away during my first semester of college. He and one of my sisters were raised by their father in Texas. I was raised by my father in New Hampshire. At the time, I was going to school upstate New York. My brother was still in Houston with his wife and children. Only he and God know the reasons, but he chose to take his own life. It was very devastating to receive that phone call from home - Going to school out of state, I felt isolated and helpless. I was able to use my book money to purchase a plane ticket to Houston for the services. It was a relief to finally be with family. I returned to school, only to be left feeling alone again. It was months before I was feeling myself again. My family in Texas did not have a lot of contact with my family in New Hampshire - the usual exchange of holiday greetings and every few years we would get visited by my brother or sister. Although a terrible tragedy, my brother's passing brought my sister and I together. I have been able to visit her at least once a year since then, and will actually live with her when I move back to Houston next month - I start a job in June after finishing my Master's degree in May. Two years after my brother passed away, I transfered to Cornell University. My first semester at Cornell, my mother became very ill. She has been a heavy smoker since her teens (now in her 60's). She was in the cardiac intensive care unit for weeks and the doctors did not think she would make it. Again, I felt isolated and helpless. I returned home when I could to visit her and to visit with the rest of my family - my school work suffered tremendously. I had the highest GPA in my major at my previous college, and now I would be failing my first (and last) course ever. The hardest part to deal with was where my brother would end up if my mother passed away. He is a teenager with Down Syndrome and my mother was his sole caregiver. It was a miracle and my mother pulled through pretty fantastically. Throughout the next few semesters, she would have ups and downs - spending time in and out of the hospital - each time I would be at school, far away from family, wondering if I had said goodbye to my mother for the last time. She is still with us, although not of the best health. This past December (my final semester of graduate school), my father was diagnosed with stage III lung cancer. We all knew that would be his last Christmas, and I decided to go home early. That drive from Ithaca, NY to Hanover, NH had never been so long. I went home unannounced - only calling my family to find out where in the hospital he was. Shortly before I arrived at the hospital, my father received the results from his latest scans. The doctors announced that he actually had a very aggressive stage IV lung cancer that had already spread to both of his lungs, liver, thyroid, and bones (ribs). My father and his fiance decided to get married shortly before Christmas - they left on the honeymoon on Christmas day 2007. I returned to school knowing he would want me to finish my degree instead of worrying about him - I tried to do both. Two weeks later I received a phone call from my youngest brother, my dad had taken a serious fall in the night, had been rushed to the hospital and the doctors have found several tumors in his brain. I immediately returned home and took another week off from school. My dad was prescribed a series of radiation treatments and was released home. I returned to school, still hoping to finish my degree on time. I made one or two more trips home for weekends hoping to spend as much time with him as I could. My father's condition was worsening and my grandfather (my dad's dad) planned a trip from Texas to NH. I planned to arrive the same weekend. The morning I left, I received several phone calls from my family, encouraging me to hurry home. My dad was getting worse - the radiation did not work and the brain tumors were getting bigger. I was able to converse with my dad for the last time over the phone - I told him that I loved him and he replied with sort of a grunt. David on "dad with brain tumor" http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/dad-with-brain-tumor#post-14 Mon, 29 Jun 2009 20:02:00 +0000 David 14@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ Dear reader, Before this Forum was created, there was a way for students to email us their "story" and for us to post it on our website. Now that more people are checking out the Forum, I wanted to add their stories here. Here is a story: November 13, 2006 My dad was diagnosed with glioblastoma grade IV last Nov. It has been a roller coaster of a year. In Jan he we taken to the hospital for a minor thing and he has been in a nursing home since. It stinks because he is only 55 years old. In July, after some ups and downs, he was the best man in my brother wedding. It has been all downs since then. A few months started to lose his memory. Luckily he stills knows who we are if we tell him. In my opinion I dont think he will make it to Christmas but only God knows. That is my story for you guys! Thanks, Eva Parker 24 years old" Kaitlyn on "My dad always told me "Life is Short"" http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/my-dad-always-told-me-life-is-short#post-6 Wed, 24 Jun 2009 22:31:49 +0000 Kaitlyn 6@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ Before I entered first grade, my parents divorced. I was young and didn’t really understand the new life I was thrown into. My mom and I moved out, and I was only able to see my dad every other weekend. I had been used to not seeing my dad very often, as he had been in the Navy. He eventually left the service to watch me grow up. Being able to only spend time with my dad on the weekends, we would make the most out of it – we went to amusement parks, played mini golf, and we’d make midnight runs for snacks. My dad was my best friend, and I was Daddy’s Girl. We’d parade around town in matching sweatshirts, and go to the local diner on Sunday’s for breakfast. My dad even helped make the other kids at school jealous by sending gorgeous flowers to my classroom every Valentine’s Day. My dad’s love for me has come to be the most powerful love I’ve ever witnessed. Only, I had no idea that this would all end before I even turned twelve years old. Most of my time was spent living with my mom. One night in May 2002, mom had to do something no parent should ever have to. Just past 3AM, she opened my bedroom door and woke me up. Tears filled her eyes as she told me “Dad had a heart attack”. At that moment, I became wide awake and asked, “What hospital is he at? Mom took a moment to answer before saying “He’s in Heaven”. It’s been seven years since that day. Losing my dad was the most devastating experience I’ve ever had to deal with. It was so completely unexpected and sudden. But I know for a fact I would not be the person I am today if he was never a part of my life. He taught me many valuable lessons, and even though I only knew him for eleven years I am so thankful that he was my dad. He will forever be my hero. Of course I wasn’t so thankful immediately, but I was lucky enough to have a non-profit organization called FRIENDS Way to help me through my grieving process. FRIENDS Way is a bereavement center for children and families dealing with the death of a loved one. I don’t know where I’d be without them. I found it difficult to talk about my loss with my friends from school, they didn’t understand. The support groups allowed me to realize that there are other people out there that feel the same way I do, and it also gave me a safe place to share these feelings. I continue to attend the group, but as the years went by my reason for going wasn’t just for myself – it was for the others who still needed help. It was at a FRIENDS Way meeting that I first learned about AMF. There was a new chapter being started at my college. I knew this was something that I had to be a part of. I attended almost every meeting, although the group had just been started and not many students knew about it. Most of the time it would just be me, and the co-presidents Ariana and Debbie, who had been the ones to start the group. As the semester came to an end they asked me if I had any interest in taking over as president this fall, after they both graduated. I absolutely accepted. There’s still so much that needs to be done to get the group up and running. I’m excited to be a part of something so powerful. I hope I can help others by sharing my story, and I hope AMF will be able to help others as FRIENDS Way helped me. I miss my dad everyday, but I know he’s watching down on me. He always told me that life was short, and those are the words I try to live by. I will do everything in my power to make him proud. Kaitlyn Bouchard URI Chapter President Itwillbeok on "Loss" http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/loss#post-4 Wed, 13 May 2009 22:33:17 +0000 Itwillbeok 4@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ Nothing prepares you do for the day when at 20 years old you hear the word’s your dad had a heart attack, he passed away before arriving at the hospital. My dad did not have any heart problems and was not sick so no one expected this at all. Just the day before I had talked to my dad and joked around with him. Being at college has not made the situation any easier. I did not find out about my fathers death until about 10:30 at night and I was already 3 hours away from home. Luckily due to some family members I was able to make it home before the sun came up the next morning. The next few days were a blur of activity with getting everything together for the funeral, making sure the whole family was in route home, and notifying all of our friends. Though this was and will be something I will always deal with what’s more important in this story is how I have chosen to move on. I came back to school a little more then a week after leaving, caught up in all my classes, returned to my organizations, and hung out with my friends. For about the first few months most people did not know that anything so surreal had happened to me unless I told them. 99.9% of the time I had a smile on my face, was on top of everything that I was in charge of and maintained all my classes with good grades. Now, about 3 1/2 months later, a lot of the attention that my family had has gone away and the realization is surfacing. Tomorrow I will go home for the summer and my entire family will be there. The word “entire” has a very empty feeling. I am still going home to my house where my dad lived, his belongings still there most of them hanging where he left them. Now is the time when I wish I had more attention put on me. I have my days that are still really good but the sad and depressed moments are appearing in my life even more as the shock is disappearing from my life. The act of leaving school for the summer has been harder then I expected it would be. With my Dad’s death being the 3rd death I have experience in the 2 years I have been at school I have become more sensitive to losses. Though I know most of my friends will be returning to school in a few months leaving them for the summer just feels like another loss in my life leaving them for the summer. I also have a few friends that are graduating this year. To me losing their unwavering support that they have given me this year is a huge loss. Though I know they will still be part of my life next year, though they may not be here on campus, it’s still very difficult. Too many times in these last year have I said goodbye, a goodbye forever that this just feels like another good-bye to people I will never see again. My advice for anyone out there that is experiencing a loss is seek help. There is nothing wrong with talking to a counselor or finding a friend you trust because you can not go through this alone. Make sure you do not alienate your friends, they want to help but just don’t know how to. Don’t give up on any of your dreams that you have for yourself. Stay strong, stay involved, keep up with your work in school and organizations. Having these things will help you get through the days especially when you feel like you can’t go on. However, at the same time make sure you relax, whatever that means to you. If you have to take a step back with something or drop a class it’s ok. Everyone is going to go through this journey on their own path. If you are a friend of someone who is dealing with a loss. Don’t disappear. They need you. Ask them how they are doing, ask them what you can do to help. Stay strong for them. There are many times when you will not know what to say but saying something like I love you, I am here for you or what can I do to help will open the communication. Bringing up the topic is not a bad thing. It most likely is on your friends mind all the time, just because they are not talking about it does not mean they are not thinking about it. You will not bring out any feelings that were not there before. If your friend starts crying, starts laughing or even smiles let them act how they are acting. It’s just part of their life right now. You being there to support them through this time is the most anyone can ask for. Most of all remember that time heals, things will get better, but they will never go away. Smile, cry, laugh, shout, be happy, be sad, whatever you feel its ok just be yourself! Kelso117 on "dad just passed away" http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/dad-just-passed-away#post-121 Wed, 31 Mar 2010 23:33:13 +0000 Kelso117 121@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ I am a complete Daddy's girl. My mom and I dont get along to well because she was more interested in spoiling my brothers. So my dad and I became best friends. He encouraged me in everything I did. He was so proud of me when I got accepted to a University and was becoming a Special Ed teacher. He always told me how proud of me that he was. It was January 25 this year that I got a call up at school from my mom telling me that my dad had a massive heart attack. I couldnt beleive it. I had just talked to him that day, told him I loved him and hugged him goodbye so I could drive back up to school. There was no way that my dad, my daddy could have had a heart attack. I drove the 2 hours home, and I dont know how. I couldnt see the road because of the tears. I got there and found out that my dad was in a coma because he was prounced dead for 45 minutes but was brought back. He was alive but brain dead. For 2 weeks we waited for any sort of brain activity but it never came. As a family we had to decide to take my dad off life support so that he could finally sleep peacefully. I lost my dad on Feb 5. My mom's birthday. Today, I struggle everyday. I feel that I have no one to talk to and no one knows what I am going through. I have found myself extremely behind in school and never hanging out with my friends that I used to. They just think that I am grumpy all the time so they dont want to hang out with me. They dont know what I am going through and dont even try to understand. I dont know what to do. It still feels like this nightmare that I am living in. jasonsheroicjourney on "Outward Bound/Grieving Young Adults/Free Tuition" http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/outward-boundgrieving-young-adultsfree-tuition#post-114 Thu, 11 Mar 2010 21:17:19 +0000 jasonsheroicjourney 114@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ Heroic Journey, A wilderness Adventure for Grieving Teens (ages 14-18) and Young Adults (ages 19-24)Summer 2010 in Colorado. TUITION FREE. Contact Jason at Judi's House. 720-941-0331 or <a href="mailto:jason@judishouse.org">jason@judishouse.org</a> s_d_s06 on "I lost my grandmother aka my mom" http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/i-lost-my-grandmother-aka-my-mom#post-58 Tue, 26 Jan 2010 02:46:29 +0000 s_d_s06 58@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ Im 21, I lost my grandmother of 69 years on New Years Eve 2009 so about a month now shes been gone. It is still very hard to this day and now i have pushed all my good friends away. What do you guys think about this and why I did them? auxcouleur on "3 year anniversary" http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/3-year-anniversary#post-72 Fri, 19 Feb 2010 07:43:48 +0000 auxcouleur 72@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ I feel like punching the people who signed that sympathy card. I lost my mom right before I graduated from high school. She had cancer for several years but her death was very sudden and a byproduct of the chemotherapy. This all happened right after my birthday, on Valentine's Day. I got a card from my classmates that said such things as "Don't change" etc. etc. Which made me ill. (inside I know they cannot relate but I still was repulsed) Prom was a whole heap of drama since my friends did not understand I did not want to be around people. I just missed my mom. And then college. I read somewhere someone could "feel the college student I was supposed to be" and that could not be truer. I went from being a pretty darn good 4.0 student in high school to a not so good at all student. I would sleep in and skip classes and just skim by with D's and C's and do it all over again. I would waste my time and stay up late and the cycle would be perpetuated. I was _not_ a good student, but tried to play it off as the school being hard or just me being lazy. But. I am scared of lots of things. I am scared to meet with advisors, I'm scared to seek counseling. I'm scared that my dad is terribly lonely. I'm scared that I won't know what to do when I have a wedding or a baby. I'm scared that I won't be able to get a job or do anything with my life for the way my college career is going. Now I am trying to get better. But I wish I had discovered something like this before. There is no chapter at my school, no professors ever thought my absence and poor grades in class were something to intervene in. Most of my peers don't understand anything in life, must lest something like grieving for a parent. It's frustrating. David on "I lost my father as a child, but now I'm a Certified Nursing Aide helping others" http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/i-lost-my-father-as-a-child-but-now-im-a-certified-nursing-aide-helping-others#post-3 Tue, 12 May 2009 16:37:49 +0000 David 3@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ Hey, As you can see, we have just added a "Forum" to our website which will replace our "Blog" which was only up for a couple weeks. Thank you so much for checking out this forum and for your posts. Feel free to post stories, advice, support... Your posts could really make a difference in someone's life who is in need of support. I included a few posts from the Blog below: Ruby Rudd (April 2nd, 2009 at 10:09 am) said: "I lost my father when I was 9. I wish there was something like this in 1969. I think David was great in setting this up.It is so hard trying to cope alone. Bravo!!! David. Also he had bladder cancer. I remember some things about his illness. But I think my mind blocked alot of it. Possibly to block out the pain of seeing my role model in pain and not being able to help.I do remember the pain he suffer while in the last stages and was destroyed about not being able to help him.It’s been 40 years and it still hurts and I know it always will.But I have learned to adjust to it and carry on.I feel for everyone going through this it is a hard battle.I also lost a dear Grandmother to cancer and I think remembering my dad help me to deal better with her death. I know I spoiled her.I would find a way to get her what ever she wanted to eat even if it took grinding by hand. She also had a stroke.I feel regrets with my dad,like I should have done more.But with Granny I did do more and hold no regrets.But I also realize I was only 9 and wasn’t much I could do.I do remember laying beside him at home and holding his hand and kissing him. So I guess at my age that was alot. I hold those times close to my heart.Once again thanks david for offer a helping hand to others!! Maybe this is why I am now a Certified Nursing Aide. I love working in nursing homes.Being there and getting a smile from them is priceless! I feel if I can make them smile than I made that moment a happy one for them.I have a habit of wanting to see people smile. I guess maybe it makes their life better for a moment." David on "Baby boy died a couple years ago and it is still extremely hard" http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/baby-boy-died-a-couple-years-ago-and-it-is-still-extremely-hard#post-11 Mon, 29 Jun 2009 19:57:34 +0000 David 11@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ Dear reader, Before this Forum was created, there was a way for students to email us their "story" and for us to post it on our website. Now that more people are checking out the Forum, I wanted to add their stories here. Here is a story: March 29, 2008 Larry Avent Jr was born September 19, 2003. About 5 months before he was born the OBGYN doctor told us that something didn’t look right on the Ultrasound. He said that the fetus (baby’s’) bladder looked larger than it should be. He referred us to UNC Chapel Hill Hospital. I, Mother started to see the OBGYN Doctor there and had ultrasounds done about every two weeks. The UNC doctors told us that our baby would be born with Posterior Urethral Valves and his kidneys would be damaged. They also said that he would need to do dialysis and have a kidney transplant. Larry Jr. stayed in the hospitals’ NICU for about a month ½, after he was born. He was fed by a tube; he had a lot of IV’s, and on the Oscillator machine. He had to have surgery (Ureterostomy) at 4 days old, due to the blocked urethras because he couldn’t release his urine. While he was in the NICU on the Oscillator machine, his head was laid on one side for a while and he had a sore on the right side of his head. We noticed it and told the Nurse and she informed the doctor. They ordered a cream to put on it. The sore went away but it left a bald spot on his head. When Larry Jr was discharged from the hospital, he wasn’t on dialysis but the PD tube was placed, in case of an emergency to start dialysis. After two weeks of being at home, Larry had to go back because he was ill with an infection. His blood labs were off (potassium was high; kidney function was not too good). They started Peritoneal Dialysis on him around November 22, 2003. I, Mother had to learn to administer the dialysis, in order to take him home. He went home around December 11, 2003. He did ok on the dialysis except for a couple of infections that were treated and he was released. Larry Jr was put on the Transplant list around August 2005. The UNC Hospital called us with a cadaver kidney donor on March 27, 2006, to come and be evaluated for the kidney match. He was a match and received the kidney March 28, 2006. He did well with the transplant. He didn’t walk right after surgery. It took him a while to get his strength back in his legs but he still had a hop for a while. They had trouble getting him to take the medications. After awhile he started to take them better. Larry Jr went home and did well except for taking his medication properly. He had labs drawn about three times a week and saw the UNC doctors regularly. He never missed an appointment. He started to become sickly around the first week of August. He complained of stomach pain, mouth pain and would vomit every so often. We took him to the emergency room, Halifax Regional for these symptoms but nothing they claimed showed. The local hospital called UNC every time we took him to the local hospital. They went by UNC Hospital orders. After a while, they noticed that his blood count/hemoglobin was LOW. They started treating him for anemia; giving him iron transfusions and also started the Pediatrician giving him an injection of Arenesp every two weeks. At his appointments, we kept telling them that something was wrong with him. We asked them were they missing something. They told us that the symptoms were normal. At his last appointment before diagnosis, I called the Hospital begging them to check Larry Jr from head to toe. I, Mother told them that something was wrong with my baby. He only received one due to the fact that his last appointment with his Pediatrician, he had a fever of 104. The pediatrician called the UNC doctors and informed them about the fever and the low blood count. They had received the results back by then and told me they wanted him there at the Hospital right away. When we got there they told us that they got worried when I called and told them at his appointment that he needed to be checked from head to toe, so they gave him a special blood test. They said that he had EBV, which could turn into and act as a Lymphoma, because of taking the Anti-rejection drugs. We didn’t know it was serious but they told us that it was worrisome to them. He had to do several test such as (bone marrow test, liver biopsy, MRI and so on). It took about two weeks to make a decision about what to give Larry Jr. He had to start Chemotherapy. They told us that he had Post transplant Lymphoproliperative Disorder caused by taking Prograf/anti-rejection drugs. He had lesions on his liver, spleen, lungs and lymph system. In this case he was Stage 3-4 and they were just diagnosing this because they were looking in the wrong direction. The Pediatric Nephrologist /kidney doctors told us that the Pediatric Onocologist would be taking care of him most of the time. He had to take Chemotherapy and they also had to reduce his medication (prograf). They told us about the Protocol, that they go by and asked us if we wanted to participate in the research. We told them if our son would have to go through any more pain, we didn’t want to, but if it was the same as going through the regular treatment, it was OK. They also told us that they didn’t think it was life threatening. They said that children usually do well with that Protocol. We accepted and signed the research paper. Dr. Blatt seemed like she cared more for the research than our sons’ treatment. We didn’t see her often. We saw Dr. Gold, Dr. Western, and the residents more. Well Larry Jr sat on the childrens' 5th floor at UNC for two weeks running fevers and vomiting. He got to the point he could hardly breathe before they moved him to the PICU. *Larry Jrs' spleen had enlarged and was pressing on his lungs and Dr. Gold told us not to worry. They acted as if they had every thing under control. We had no idea our babyboy was dieing. He ended up losing his transplanted kidney, on Hemo dialysis (which he had never had before), Chemotherapy and much more. My son suffered before he died and we didn't have a warning. eg3350 on "My dad died of a brain cancer" http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/my-dad-died-of-a-brain-cancer#post-65 Mon, 08 Feb 2010 15:03:28 +0000 eg3350 65@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ I am 22yrs old, my father was diagnosed with glioblastoma brain cancer at the end of May 2009, he died January 1, 2010. The last 8 months have been hell and i have no idea what to do with myself or my feelings. Basically im huge mess, everyone says that things will get better but i think its bullshit, because EVERYday gets worse. I am confused and lost. I am trying to seek help but not sure where to turn to. I found this website because im a bit shy and hope that chatting online with others who relate to my problem will be easier for me. A friend to talk to and relate with would be great... Thanks. ~Emily madisonsfsu on "mom passed away suddenly a year and a half ago. time doesn't heal all wounds." http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/mom-passed-away-suddenly-a-year-and-a-half-ago-time-doesnt-heal-all-wounds#post-37 Mon, 09 Nov 2009 23:13:50 +0000 madisonsfsu 37@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ I lost my mom overnight without any warning a year and a half ago. I was 17. my mom was my best friend and it was only her and me living at our home. 5 days after my high school graduation i lost my mother. No one understands but my siblings and even they, who are all older, can't fully understand my personal loss. She was everything to me. No one understands. Im in college now and I cry often. I have roommates and I feel awkward around these people who didnt know me before the loss of my mother. I get angry and bitter towards those who stress over materialistic and irrelevant things. I wish I could control my bitterness towards these people but I just can't. I have been through so much and i'm only 19. I can't help but wonder what I did to deserve her leaving me. I get angry because she left me here alone. She told me everyday how beautiful I was and I believed her. Now I am not sure who or what I am. I find myself questioning the meaning of life without her. I have not found a solution. I cannot say that I am cured and I have found meaning to life and this all happened for a reason, because that is bullshit. I dont know why this happened. I know that i now have a phenomenal bond with my siblings and have a greater appreciation of family. But I can't help but wish i could go back in time and tell myself to wake the fuck up you are not the only person in this world. I had so many things left to learn from my mother. As more and more time passes I am fearing that I am forgetting the pain. I don't want to leave the pain behind because it means leaving my mother behind. I want her to be at the forefront of all my thoughts. yes yes i know life goes on but at what price? I cannot find the balance of moving on and keeping her with me. I dont want to give up her memory. I dont want it to become a dull lesson of my life. I have never felt so hurt but I have never felt more alive at the same time. dealing with loss is the most intense essence of what being alive is. you see loss, you feel it, you breathe it, you analyze it. I am loss. David on "My mom was my best friend" http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/my-mom-was-my-best-friend#post-7 Mon, 29 Jun 2009 19:47:01 +0000 David 7@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ Dear reader, Before this Forum was created, there was a way for students to email us their "story" and for us to post it on our website. Now that more people are checking out the Forum, I wanted to add their stories here. Here is a story: January 21, 2009 My mom was my best friend. I didn't realize how true that was until after she was gone. She passed away late Christmas night in 2002, at the age of 55. She had breast cancer. It has been a long process of healing and acceptance. I've come to know Jesus as a healer, and accept that He makes no mistakes in who He calls Home. There can be peace in the midst of a storm, I am a witness. A part of my life passed away with my mom. However, through Jesus Christ new life began. This is to encourage someone who maybe hurting. ashlkrau21 on "Lost Mom/Dad/Grandmother" http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/lost-momdadgrandmother#post-53 Thu, 17 Dec 2009 03:16:57 +0000 ashlkrau21 53@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ When I was around the age of 1 I moved in with my grandma and grandpa. My biological parents were unfit to raise my brother and I. The courts were going to put my brother and I in foster homes until my grandparents stepped up and decided they were going to raise us. Having already raised three children who had started families of their own already, raising two other children was probably not something that was part of their retirement. From the age of 1 to 18 I lived with them and have considered them have called them mom and dad ever since. I tell you this because that is one of the reasons I feel like my grief is so difficult to get past. June 1st 2009 my mom (grandma), my dad (grandpa), and my grandma (great-grandmother) were killed in a car accident. All of my relatives live in Illinois, and I live only about 15 minutes from my parents house, so I was the first one to be notified about the accident. I was at work that day and I remeber my boss calling me into their office with the police officers standing there. I can remeber them saying there had been an accident and all I can remember thinking is "Oh my gosh how badly are they hurt." Then to hear the police officer say that they had all benn killed in the accident was shocking. It has been six months since the accident and I still feel like the days are difficult. So many if's and why's cross my mind on a daily basis. I have not had contact with my biological mother in almost 10 years and have had minimal contact with my biological father over the last 10 years. Having lost the only set of parents I have ever really had makes things very difficult for me. I feel as though I am without grandparents and parents. I am getting married next September and to imagine the wedding without my parents is one of the most difficult things for me to deal with. I feel like I have my whole life ahead of me but I have to experience all these things without my parents. I was so close with them and to go from talking to them everyday and seeing them every week to not at all is a difficult transition to make. This is my first time sharing my story with others. I feel like being able to read other people's stories and knowing their are other people out there going through the same things helps me move on. To know other people feel and experiance the same things I do makes me feel like what I am going through is normal. I know that life will go on and as the days go on things will get better but being able to share my story and getting reactions/suggestions from people who are going through the same things will hopefully make things easier for me and for others. LimpingFury on "Dad passed away early May" http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/dad-passed-away-early-may#post-19 Fri, 11 Sep 2009 03:20:17 +0000 LimpingFury 19@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ I don't know whether this forum is still active or not, but.. Anyways, I need help. My dad passed away this past May. He had lived with Hepatitis C for 18 years. In January, he had to go to the hospital because his feet had gotten so swollen that he could barely walk. They removed the water, quite a bit of it, and told him that he needed to change his diet if he wanted a few more years.. He changed to a low sodium diet. He had to quit working as well. He was a delivery van driver for Lonestar Overnight. Fast forward to late April. During that time, my dad's speech, reaction time, and movement had begun to slow down. Getting tired easily. I get a call one day in school that my family had went to the hospital. A friend dropped me off right after school. He was admitted that night. The next few days, we learned that he didn't have good chances of surviving. So, among dropping in and out of consciousness, he clearly said that he wanted to go home to "go home". I could barely stand to see him like he did. Sick, and dying. I did spend time with him before he did pass, but.. whenever I wasn't with him, I was usually out. On May 2nd, the Saturday before he passed, was my prom. My dad had helped me pick out my tuxedo. I had also showed it off to him before I left. He said I looked "sharp". Monday morning, May 4th, at 7:24 a.m., I get woken up by my mom. She tells me that my dad had just passed away. It didn't hit me that he was gone til later that morning. We had.. put his work shirt on him. He loved his work dearly. As I looked down at him, I kept thinking "wake up, dad.. Please wake up...". I made the mistake of touching his shoulder. It felt unnaturally cold. I broke down so bad someone escorted me back to the living room. I curled up into a ball, only aware of my crying and the couch. I've lost myself ever since that day. I just now recently began to feel "right", but I still have pockets of downs, like right now. I'm aware that everybody else-my friends, even my family- have managed to adapt. I can even feel and see the college student I was meant to be if this didn't happen. I've lost my confidence as well. I want to gain that back... I know it'll take time to grieve, but if at the very least, I just want my confidence back so that I can move on a bit easier.. Thanks to ANYONE that does read this. Sorry it's so long. There's more to the story, much more, but that's the essentials.. And, I remember seeing someone asking if having the time to say goodbye makes it somewhat easier on you.. I can tell you, as far as I can tell, I've received no benefit from it. Personally, it stung. Because, there's nothing I could do to help him. Nothing I could do to stop his illness. I know I was fortunate, though. My heart does go out to thos who didn't have that time. - Mason B., LimpingFury David on "My mom died recently and my dad left the state two weeks later" http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/my-mom-died-recently-and-my-dad-left-the-state-two-weeks-later#post-12 Mon, 29 Jun 2009 19:59:20 +0000 David 12@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ Dear reader, Before this Forum was created, there was a way for students to email us their "story" and for us to post it on our website. Now that more people are checking out the Forum, I wanted to add their stories here. Here is a story: April 26, 2008 My mom has never been more excited than when she found out she was going to be a grandmother. She went to my doctor's appointments with me and was even in the delivery room with me. I had my son on December 4, 2007 and a month later my mom had passed away. She was only 45 years old and she should have been able to see her grandson grow up (at least for a little bit.) My father had me plan her whole funeral and then he left the state two weeks later. So now, its just the two of us. Now with mother's day coming up, I'm a disaster. The first mother's day I get to have is the first one without my mom. We were supposed to spend the day together. Courtney 21 yrs old David on "mom passed away, I am having a hard time grieving" http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/mom-passed-away-i-am-having-a-hard-time-grieving#post-15 Mon, 29 Jun 2009 20:03:27 +0000 David 15@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ Dear reader, Before this Forum was created, there was a way for students to email us their "story" and for us to post it on our website. Now that more people are checking out the Forum, I wanted to add their stories here. Here is a story: Alexsandra Elizabeth Derencz August 3, 1955 - June 15, 2008 She will be Forever Young Sandy Derencz was well-loved by family and friends. She positively affected every life she touched. She lit up a room when she entered. Her smile was infectious; her spirit uplifting. Sandy was always a remarkable role model for her children, family, and friends. Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, Love leaves a memory no one can steal. Written by Sandy's husband, Bob Derencz David on "mom has breast cancer, but things have been up and down" http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/mom-has-breast-cancer-but-things-have-been-up-and-down#post-9 Mon, 29 Jun 2009 19:53:17 +0000 David 9@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ Dear reader, Before this Forum was created, there was a way for students to email us their "story" and for us to post it on our website. Now that more people are checking out the Forum, I wanted to add their stories here. Here is a story: April 30, 2008 My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer 4 years ago. She went through surgeries, chemo, and radiation. She was clean for two and a half years when in March of 2007 she was re-diagnosed with Inflammatory Breast Cancer, which is automatically staged at stage 4b. She had a radical mastectomy with a flap in June 2007. She has been through 2 courses of Chemo and 16 weeks of twice daily radiation. She is currently undergoing Chemo. When she was first diagnosed I was completing my graduating semester at Sonoma State for my BA. Through all the ups and downs I have been in school. I am currently completing my last semester for my Master's in Education. I still have a number of semesters ahead of me to complete the rest of my Reading Specialist Credential and my degree in Spanish. I have been her full-time care taker for many years and do not know how many more years she has left. However, I have learned that you always have to find the silver-linings every week to keep the overwhelming bad feelings at bay. Life has a funny way of surprising us so we have to live for the moment. Thank you, Danielle Martinsen Ralph Waldo Emerson "Finish each day And be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and Absurdities have crept in. Forget them as soon as you can." David on "sweet mama died a year ago from a brain tumor" http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/sweet-mama-died-a-year-ago-from-a-brain-tumor#post-13 Mon, 29 Jun 2009 20:00:46 +0000 David 13@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ Dear reader, Before this Forum was created, there was a way for students to email us their "story" and for us to post it on our website. Now that more people are checking out the Forum, I wanted to add their stories here. Here is a story: May 5, 2008 My mom was diagnosed with Stage IV glioblastoma on November 9, 2007. We had noticed some personality changes as well as memory loss over the few weeks prior, but nothing that would have made us think "brain tumor". She was 68 years old, but she was vibrant and full of life, always on the go and always giving; a true example of selflessness. My mom's battle of only 3 months included two brain surgeries, trips in and out of hospitals, nursing homes, rehab centers and a brief stay at home with the help of Hospice. How precious those 3 months were, though! In the midst of the hardest time I have known, I was constantly reminded of the power of prayer, faith in Jesus Christ and His plan, and the strength of an extraordinary woman. In the early morning of February 7, 2008 my mom passed away, very peacefully. My life is forever changed by the chain of events that have occurred since that day in November. But some things remain unchanged - faith, family, and the fact that my "sweet mama", as I called her, will always be just that - my mom. Debbie Rea 27 years old, Titusville FL David on "My brother and I dropped out of college because our parents were sick, but we're" http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/topic/my-brother-and-i-dropped-out-of-college-because-our-parents-were-sick-but-were#post-8 Mon, 29 Jun 2009 19:50:03 +0000 David 8@http://www.studentsofamf.org/forum/ Dear reader, Before this Forum was created, there was a way for students to email us their "story" and for us to post it on our website. Now that more people are checking out the Forum, I wanted to add their stories here. Here is a story: July 28, 2008 It all started 2003, when Dad was diagnosed with a brain tumor the size of a fist with fingers moving throughout the brain. He was given three months to live and hospice as his only option. My family would not give up without a fight so we contacted the doctors at Duke University and they gave us a chemo and radiation option. After two long years of fighting the tumor, it finally went into remission. Unfortunately, about two weeks before my first year at Hiram College, 2007, my father also developed acute leukemia which the doctors believed was caused by the chemotherapy. He went through aggressive therapy, which involved depleting his body of all white cells in order for new healthy cells to develop. To this date, my Dad has been on constant chemotherapy regiments to keep the level of leukemic cells down. Recently, July 1, his pick line got infected and he almost died from Staph Infection. Fortunately he got the hospital in time and he recovered from the infection. It really opened my eyes to how careful we all need to be around him because even the slightest infection can kill him. On Easter Sunday, 2008, my mom didn't get out of bed, couldn't open her eyes, and couldn't eat anything. My father and I called 911 and she was taken to Mercy Hospital, where it was discovered that her brain was bleeding. Since they couldn't discover the source of the bleeding, they life flighted her to Cleveland Clinic where they discovered she had a grade IV Glioblastoma Multiforme tumor in the middle of her brain. Once again, we were not ready to give up without a fight, so we started her or chemo and radiation. She lived at a nursing home and she was increasingly getting better. However, at an MRI interpretation meeting, it was discovered that the tumor was twice the size as we had originally had thought with the tumor only dying because it was out growing its blood supply. From that point on it was down hill as Mom contracted infections left and right. They gave us other chemo options, but the chance of doing any good was slim and chance of doing harm was great. So we thought we had put her through enough and brought her home after five months of being in the hospital. Today, July 28, we are still making her as comfortable as possible, spending our last moments together. My brother Daniel and I have been caring for our parents ever since 2003. He chose to quit his freshman year at Ohio University in order to fully help at home when Dad was sick with the tumor. He'll finally graduate from Columbia College in May 2009. While my mother and father have been sick, they both aggressivly pushed their wish upon us that we can never quit college in order to take care of them again. Education is very important to them and no illness should get in the way. I will returning to Hiram college for my 2nd year in August and my brother will go back to Chicago in September. So thats my story.